If He can Ask for Your Body, You Can Ask for that Bag -An Essay on Hypergamy Culture

tuk89750
Jun 29, 2025
4 min read

Dating in your early 20s has become a disaster, there is no chivalry anymore. You would think the dating apps were a step in the right direction, you can meet people online with easy access to meeting multiple partners until you find your person... but most times men are not ready to step up.

There is a lack from men to take the lead, the endless hinge dates, where men make excuses on why they have to cancel their Friday night reservations, men asking to be picked up from their homes and driven to said destination or even greeting your date with flowers that does not happen anymore. Women are tired of the emotional turmoil and are now turning to a new sort of lifestyle that allows them to be benefitted mentally, physically and financially. We call it hypergamy culture: the idea that women use attractiveness and social skills to access higher- status partners and the lifestyle that comes with them.

Women today are more educated and career driven than ever before. Many are earning degrees, starting businesses and gaining financial independence, so on the surface, the need for a man to provide might seem outdated. But the reality tells a different story. In 2023, about 63% of recently married young women still earned less than their husbands in 2023 , which shows how the hypergamy dynamic hasn't fully become obsolete.

Instead of being obsolete this culture is adapting to modern tools and spaces. Today's women aren't just waiting for love to find them, they are strategically navigating dating apps and curated social media feeds to attract high status partners. Its a smarter way of doing things, blending ambition with aesthetic with emotional intelligence.

In fact, modern dating apps increase desirability with both men and women with going after partners that are about 25% more desirable than themselves. On elite apps like Raya, users are matched with celebrities and influencers. Even if the date goes no where, women often gain exposure, connections, and experinces an ROI on dating that reinforces their social capital.

Gifts to get from potential suitors based off the Raya dating app

On mainstream apps like Hinge, Bumble and Tinder desirability and aesthetics shape the algorithm. These apps are made for you to look your best by presenting yourself to the world just like with any other social media app. Sociologist Catherine Hakim coined "erotic capital" as a mix of women using charm, beauty and style to effectively manifest high status relationships and economic prospects. If curating lifestyles on Instagram brings visibility and clout to your brand or business, why shouldn't dating apps help you attract higher- quality, wealthier suitors?

Social Media also plays a major role in shifting how women seek dating advice. Instead of relying on outdated norms, women now turn to influencers who promote self-worth and assertiveness. The Wizard Liz, for instance encourages women to be bold in asking for what they want. In her YouTube video How to receive princess treatment, she says:

"Don't be afraid to ask men for things like, men are literally not afraid to ask us for anything, they will ask you to take your clothes off in two seconds."

Her message? Don't settle. Instead, demand the love, care, and lifestyle you know you deserve. That all starts with self love. When you love yourself, you stop tolerating men who aren't emotionally available. Things like taking time to get ready in the morning, going to the gym and educating your self shifts the focus back to you, not the next bottom of the barrel man who ghosts you after a couple texts. Ultimately, you're in control. You decide what and who you allow into your life.

Women are actively leveraging their education, erotic capital and digital presence to attain high-status realtionships. Youtuber Shera Seven encourages women to go to high society clubs, high end restaurants and upscale lounges all while looking pretty, reinforcing the idea that looks can get you anything you want.

Even fictional sitcoms take on this ideal. Take The Nanny. Fran Fine is fired from her cosmetic sales job, dumped by her boyfriend, and eventually becomes the nanny to three children of a rich widower. And she ends up marrying her boss! Even though it was a show she turned her story from rags to riches, so why can't women in America write their own upgrade stories? Is it because it's deemed as wrong and immoral? It shouldn't be, because men will wine and dine you and never call you back for a second date or will invite you back to their place after a brief interaction at a bar. So if a woman uses her femininity, ambition, and social savvy to level-up why is she shamed?